25 Jokes About Men

Alright, we all know that men, at times, have their faults (at least, the other sex will tell us so). It’s important to take a little bit of time to laugh about the things that make us men (but, secretly, we can be proud of it, but let’s just keep it between us lads – ok?).

Here’s a few jokes to start your day!

“Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the shit out of you.”

“What’s the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.”

“What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? Castrated.”

“What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off.”

“What’s the difference between married men and parking spaces? Nothing all the good ones are taken.”

“Why do men ask for a woman’s hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.”

“What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.”

“How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.”

“Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.”

“What’s the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.”

“What does a man consider a seven course meal? You can straighten up a messy room.”

“What’s the difference between a man and a parrot? You can teach a parrot to talk nicely.”

“What’s the most effective birth control device for men? Their manners.”

“What is a man’s idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.”

“What do men and beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.”

“What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? Because they are married.”

“What is a man’s idea of doing housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.”

“Why don’t men often show their true feelings? Because they don’t have any.”

“What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? An insurance company.”

“How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.”

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